Alright, everyone. This is a very serious thread that I have been planning for weeks, and I would like for you all to be very serious while reading this. Thank you very much for your time.
First of all, let me introduce myself.
Introduction, what you need to know.
My username is MrBreada. People call me Breada for short. My real name is David.
I've been using Wikia since March 2013. There was a period of time where I was active on multiple wikias, such as...
- Creepypasta Wikia - I was active here for a little while. It was one of my first active wikis.
- Chatango Wikia - It was the first Wikia where I was an administrator. It was a major responsibility for me.
- Sonic News Network -
- Le Miiverse Resource -
Alright, let's get to the rest of the thread.
The Sins that I have Commited on Sonic News Network.
When I first joined that Wikia, I was a bit of a normal user. As time went on, I started to get to know the users better, and I was pretty much a normal, active member.
However, I was not really nice. And that is an understatement.
Sin 1 - My unreasonable opinions and my hostility to those who were right.
Despite me being a Sonic fan, I was (and still am) quite poor. When people talked about Sonic Generations, I would mope and complain out of jealousy. "I don't have Sonic Generations! I'm too poor to afford it!" Instead of keeping these feelings to myself, I whined about it.
Eventually, my sadness grew into hate. I hated games that I wasn't unable to play. I had a philosophy; "If I don't have it, it sucks." This is a terrible way to think. "I don't have Sonic Runners. It's just some garbage mobile game anyways." I thought that, if I thought this way, I would not be upset over not having it. But secretly, I was. I engaged in minor arguments where I was clearly wrong, and I was too stubborn to accept the criticism from other users about my behavior.
This is where I make my first apology.
- SplashTheHedgehog, I apologize. - When I first saw you, I thought that you were just a stupid Pokemon weeaboo. I'm guessing I thought this way because of drama related to a completely different website (I'll get to this later), and I began to despise Pokemon and people who liked it. Which is very, very stupid of me. But the poke weeb thing is not what I wanted to talk about. I've been hostile and rude to you on a Skype group that was made by Sonic News Network members, as recently as December 2015. This is no way for me to act. Once again, I'm sorry for what I did, Splash.
Another person who I disliked was the user SonicTheHedgehogDude, now known as Journalistic. I'm going to be completely honest, I have no idea why I started to hate this user in the first place.
That's a lie.
Still, I refused to be proven wrong, and I just started to hate him.
The thing I wanted to be allowed on Sonic News Network is the thing that got me permanently banned from there in July 2015 - profanity. I was too stubborn to listen to the facts. I acted a fool, and I blew my chance to talk to friends I've known for a while, forever.
This is where I apologize for the second time.
- You shouldn't have to deal with people like me, Journo. - The way I acted toward you was just uncalled for. You weren't even being rude to me, you were honest and you did your job. Everything I've ever done to you was disrespectful. I made up an offensive nickname for you, "J. Wick". I started conflict with you every time I saw you. Honestly, you banning and blocking me was something that needed to happen. I'm very sorry for everything I've ever done. I still kill myself over it all the time, I just try not to talk about it lately.
Last but not least, a user who I hated for... one of THE most stupid reasons.... Kyle.
- I'm sorry, Bullet Francisco. - When I joined Sonic News Network, one of the first things I remember was coming across your user page. I read thoroughly that you would never come back and that you hated it there. I, personally, thought that that was cowardly and stupid. "You're a Wikia Star! A valued contributor! And is this how you treat the place you've worked so hard for! Idiot! I have absolutely no respect for someone like you!" At the same time, I was obsessed with the idea of seeing you one day. I don't remember exactly why. Was it to tell you how I felt to your face? I don't know. But what I do remember is that, when you came back, you actually turned out to be a pretty nice guy. ... And then you left. Again. And that made me hate you SO MUCH! I honestly didn't even bother reading your user page a second time. I insulted you and called you a coward behind your back. I called you an "emotional punching bag". "Bullet Francisco doesn't go to this wiki anymore, so what does he care if I insult him?" But I've realized for a long time that, whether you're there or not, what I did was just wrong. I'm sorry for what I've done, and I honestly don't expect for you to forgive me after how I've acted like a total jerk to you over all this time.
Now that the apologies for this Wiki are over, I need to mention that I have done wrong even AFTER I was permanently chat banned chat-banned from the Wiki.
I was asked if I would be able to change my act. I said that I honestly probably wasn't able to. ... Then I changed my mind and said that I'd do better, just give me a second chance.
I contradicted myself foolishly and blew my chance at redemption.
THEN, a month later, in August, I saw Journalistic reply toward another user's cynical behavior about the goings-on of this Wiki. I honestly don't even remember who that user was, but I was hell-bent on calling Journalistic out for his reply, as I was still hateful and angry at him over my chat ban (which I deserved).
To him, I said, "You sound like a huge jerk."
And I got blocked for 6 months, right then and there.
"Intimidating behaviour and/or harassment of other users: Breada thinks he has the audacity to attack me once again. Obviously he hasn't learned his lesson that earned him his last ban."
This quote really weighs on me.
The Sins that I have Commited on Le Miiverse Resource
Le Miiverse Resource is my second home. I've been a huge Nintendo fan these days, y'know? But I digress. I've sinned almost as badly as I've sinned back on SNN.
On LMR, you can write a resume asking to be promoted to a positon. Chat Mod, Discussion Mod, Admin, Bureaucrat. They ignore the Content Mod.
Anyways, before that position existed, I wrote myself a resume to become a forum moderator. And, what do you know! I got the position! I had never felt so proud of myself. But my happiness was short-lived. Later on, I converted myself to chat moderator. I lasted even LESS back then than I did as a forum mod, eventually revoking my position.
I felt as though I had nothing unique to offer as any sort of Staff positon, and that I was useless luggage. I left.
I shouldn't have done that. I was only a moderator for a short while, and what do I do? I turn my back. Just. Like. Someone. Else.
I was a complete hypocrite. I did the exact same actions as someone I hated.
And this wasn't the only example of being my "enemy"....
There is another former chat moderator. Fred. He, even before I had, had resigned his chat moderator position. I made the same mistake as him.
Anyways, I had immediately regretted what I'd done, and I was determined to get my position back. In January 2016 (quite recently, actually) - I put my heart into writing a second resume for chat moderator. Coincidentally, a mod meeting was nearby, and I, as a former moderator, was eligible to join.
I brought up my position, and... I got a lot of NOs.
This is where I write my first apology for this wiki.
- Nuke, I messed up. - I should have mentioned this person earlier. He has been on this wiki for almost as long as I have, and he is a valued contributor and ADMINISTRATOR there! Anyways, he had noticed my actions in my previous staff-ship, and my overall personality, and he was basically like... "Mmmm... now that I think about it, you don't really deserve this." I couldn't accept his criticism. I was more civil about it, but I basically sugarcoated, "You're wrong." I was obnoxious about getting repromoted to Chat Moderator, and when I get the truth handed to me, I go insane. You shouldn't see me act like this, Nuke. You were being honest. I won't ever be this obnoxious again.
One thing I appreciate is that, even after all of my angsty melodrama, he's still my friend. I'm glad.
But this isn't over. During my strive to be a Chat Moderator again, I was on the chat one day. A user called Ant (he doesn't hang around here) was fooling around. He's infamous for getting banned over and over again from the Chat. That user, got jokingly banned by Muffet146.
I was quick to assume and I thought that this was outrageous. I got all worked up over a chat ban. "What, Muffet, are you trying to get Ant toward the 20 bans that are required for a permaban! Jerk! No chat moderator should act like this!"
I was hasty, and I didn't even look into things when I decided to make a thread saying that she should be demoted. As I said, I was hasty, and in the thread, the reason was "title".
I was laughed at, and the hate I recieved eventually got the thread closed. Then again, Nuke accidentally highlighted it. >.>
This was disrespectful. And my disrespectful acts were unintentionally showed to everyone. I also gave Muffet a bad name, even if my thread was a laughing stock. I disrespected her, and now she has lost her trust in me. But I deserve it.
- Muffet, I'm sorry. - I was a huge jerkwad to you. I simply dismissed your demotion thread as a joke, so that I wouldn't make myself seem like a jerk, but it was too little too late. The fact is that I've done you wrong, and now you've lost your trust in me. I deserve it. I don't know if I'll ever actually be able to 100% redeem myself, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry for giving you a bad name. You are honestly a very good user, and a good chat moderator, and the way I called you out was simply wrong.
Other minor apologies I should give are to the following users:
- Rad Dude (I won't state his username. Those are reasons I can't mention.)
- Michaela Leigh
- DJ Games
- Supereggy5 and the rest of the Skype Squad. I feel like I've been a nuisance to most of you guys. Sorry.
Nowadays, after all of my wrongdoing..
Every day I think to myself about the things I've done lately, and I ask myself... "Do I deserve to continue to use Wikia? Have I really learned my lesson?"
Even though I have started to improve my behavior, I'm still, deep down, very depressed. My actions on Wikia have affected how I behave in real life.
I was harassing DJ Games (who I made a minor apology towards) in LMR Chat, and he told me.. "How was your 15 second chat modship?". I, being smug, replied. "Pretty good.." He then continued with. "Really shows how long you'll last in a real job."
What he said, even though I didn't act like I was affected back then, honestly made me think really hard. I stayed up for hours sometimes, asking myself, "If I can't even be a good person on Wikia, how am I going to go anywhere in life for real?" "If I can't last for two months as a chat moderator, how am I even going to dream of getting an actual high paying job?" "I've acted a fool of myself on Wikia and gotten my reputation amongst my friends ruined. How the heck am I going to maintain good friendships in real life?"
After thinking about this, I've realized that it's small things like these that actually prepare me. I actually may be able to survive in a real job now that I know how much it actually is worth. I actually may be able to have long lasting friendships after realizing the consequences of my actions.
I've been too stubborn and too proud of myself to realize it until now, but... 5 months after my block from Sonic News Network, 3 months after my resignation as chat moderator from Le Miiverse Resource, and merely weeks after the drama I've caused on the same wiki....
I am now truly, 100% aware of what I've done. I am going to attempt to improve my behavior as a Wikia user. I really, really, really do apologize to the users who I have disrespected and mistreated. And I am going to continue doing what I do.